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D9 APt'^a rphCJTIlTPli I'*'®" Nights in a Bar Koom. The Bottle. 

PR 4079 LUIlttli^uU. j The Drunkard's Doom. Tlie Drnnkard. 

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Copy 1 



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NO. CCLXXX. 

nriNCH'S MINOR DRAMA 

Cljfi feting (Sbiliott. 



TOM NODDY'S SECllET: 



A FARCE. IN ONE ACT. 



BY THOMAS HAYNES BAYLY, ESQ. 



TO -WHICH ABE ADDED 



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By Cychefigft 
Army and Navy Club 
JANUARY 16 1^34 



TOM NODDY'S SECRET. 



ACT I. 

SCENE I. — The best room in Mr. Thomas Noddy's house. — Globes^ 
books, old fashioned furniture, a door in c. opening to a garden. — 
A window to the r. and on the same side a table with writing ma- 
terials. — On the L. a door. 

Enter Inkpen and Mart. 

Inkpen. Am I never to have an answer, Miss Mary ? I 've waited 
till I can wait no longer. You know I love you, — will you be mine ? 

Mary. You have my answer, Mr. Inkpen ; I 've referred you to 
my uncle. 

Inkpen. But what 's the use of my going to him ? You know very 
well that there 's no getting a plain answer to a plain question out of 
him.s He never can make up his mind, as to what he ought to do, un- 
til it 's too late to do it — and even if it were otherwise, his memory is 
so bad, that he would never remember to-morrow the decision he 
came to to-day. What 's the use of asking his sanction to our mar- 
riage? his reply will be, " We '11 see about it; I '11 not forget to re- 
member to turn it over in my mind by-and-by ; " and then he '11 tie 
a knot in his handkerchief, and entirely forget ten minutes after- 
wards why he tied it. 

Mary, (r.) It is too true; yet I cannot marry without his con- 
sent — can't you be content to enjoy my society daily ? 

Inkpen. No, Miss Mary, I can't, because other young men come 
and get smiles surreptitiously, that ought by rights all to belou^to 
me. 

Mary. 1 'm afraid you 're of a jealous disposition ! 

Inkpen. I am — desperate jealous, because I can't be sui 
not marrying another; but if you were once to become Mrs. Inkpeii; 
I should be as tranquil, and happy, and confiding as possible ! 

Mary. Confiding ! I 'm sure I see no symptoms of that. 

Inkpen. Because nobody can help admiring you, and because you 
take pains to be admired — to-day, now, you look so smart ! 

Mary. Oh, because we expect strangers. 

Inkpen. Young men, I dare say. Very well — you'll break my 
heart — I can't rule the boys' copies straight while you go on like 
this. 



)elou^o 



4 TOM noddy's secret. [act I. 

Mary. There now ! ■well, you shan't know who is coming — the 
other day you actually got angry with a young man because he 
looked at me. 

Inkpen. And very natural too ! 

Mary. Very natural that young men should look at me ! 

Jnkpen. Oh, Miss Mary, you really will be the death cf me ; it 's 
this terrible uncertainty that ruffles my temper, aud wears me to a 
shadow. 

.Mary. Oh, no fear of your vanishing entirely — but be quiet, for 
here comes my uncle ! 

JVoddy, {without). We '11 see about it — I can't give any answer 
now ; we '11 see about it. 

Enter Noddy, c. 

JK^oddy. Really I am perplexed with so many things upon my 
mind. Ah, you there, Mary ? the boys want a half-holiday — and 
press for an immediate answer — impossible! 

Mary. Impossible ! Then you have refused the jDOor fellows. 

JVoddy. Ah, no ! not refused — I could not take upon me decidedly 
to refuse — but I said that I 'd see about it — stop ; I '11 tie a knot in 
my handkerchief, and then I shall recollect to take it into considera- 
tion. {Ties a knot in his handkerchief.) 

Inkpen, {aside). When the day is o'er, he'll consider whether it 
ought to have been a holiday ! just the way he serves me. {Jlloud.) 
Good morning to you, sir ! 

JVoddy. Ah, you 're there, are you? good morning — do you wish 
to speak to me ? 

Inkpen. Yes ; and on the old subject. 

JVoddy. What, — spelling books wanting for the little boys ? or rules 
or slates, or — 

Inkpen. No, no ; I come once more to ask your consent. Miss 
Mary refers me to you, and — 

JVoddy. Yes, yes; very proper — I'll see about it — we'll talk 
of this another time — this day week — or — stop — I'll put my 
ring on another finger, and then I shall remember to — {looks at 
his hand.) 

Inkpen. I cannot be put off any longer, sir ; you know I have a 
little independence, and you must decide one way or another — yes 
or no. 

^jj^'pddy, {who has been looking puzzled). Well, I declare, I had 
'fe^mS^ changed my ring from the forefinger of my right hand to 
the forefinger of my left — do you see that ? 

Inkpen. What has that to do with my question ? 

JVoddy, {trying to remember). I must have changed that ring 
because I had a particular reason for wishing to remember some par- 
ticular thing — something that I wished to see about. 

Inkpen. I dare say it was my marriage with Mary. 

JVoddy. Hey? your mai'riage — it might be — but no, I don't 
think that was it — you confuse me, putting two ideas into my head 
at one time — it 's too much — let me see — that ring — 

Inkpen. Well, stick to one idea — my marriage is to take place? 



SCENE I.] T03I noddy's SECRET. 5 

jXoddy. We '11 see about it; you 're a very excellent good creature, 
but it 's impossible for mo to give you an answer to-day. 

Inkpen. Oli, yes, come — let me go and buytlic ring. 

A'^oldy, {lookinij at hifi hainl). Tiie ring — I must have changed 
that for some very important reason. 

lijkpcn. Sir, you arc very unkind. 

JVoda'y. Hoy — Avhat were you saying ? 

Inlcpen. Very ! for you know I would do anything to serve you. 

JVoddy. I believe it, I do, indeed I You 're a good creature, and 
now you really can serve me materially. 

Inkpen. Only tell me how ! 

A'u/dy. Just by going away, and leaving me alone with my niece 
to collect my ideas, and — {lookbiy at his hand) — Why iu the 
world did I change my ring? . ( Crosses to l.) 

Inkpen, {angry). Oh, this is too bad ! Sir, I 'd have you to 
know — 

Mary, (advancing from her icork). Hush — my uncle does not 
mean to offend 3'ou — pray leave us together. 

Inkpen. I cannot stand this ; I 'm furious ! 

JVoddy. Yes — yes — good bye, Tnkpen ; go and keep the boys in 
order ; and as for you, Mary, we '11 see about it. 

Mary, {aside). Go — go — make no reply. I will see you again 
by-and-by. 

Inkpen. (it.) Remember your promise : as for your uncle, if he 
does not soon give me an answer, I '11 run away with you. 

Mary. Yes — yes — v.^e '11 see about it. Ha ! ha I go along. 
y^^ [Exit Inkpen, r. 

We are alone now, uncle : he is gone. 

JVoddy. (l. ) I 'm delighted to hear it, for he ruffled my temper and 
confused my ideas at a moment when I require all my self-possession; 
this day my head ought to be particularly clear. ( Takes out his 
handkerchief and notices the knot which he made when he first en- 
tered.) Heydey, what 's this? a knot in my handkerchief! dear me, 
I must have made it because I wished particularly to remember some- 
thing — but what it was, I have now entirely forgotten ! 

Mary, (r.) How very unfortunate ! 

JVoddy. Yes ; but I know how to remedy the evil. I '11 make a 
knot in another corner to remind me to take care and recollect what 
reason I had for making the first knot. {Makes another knot.) 

Mary. But what was it you were going to tell me, uncle? You 
said you would require all your self-possession. 

JVoddy. Ay — very likely — I often do — but why more particu- 
larly at this moment I really forget, but we '11 see about it ; and 
perhaps, by changing my ring from one finger to another, I may by- 
and-by be able to — 

Mary, {aside). Oh, this is hopeless ! 

JVoddy. Ah, now, I know — yes — yes — it has just flashed upon me. 

Mary. Then make haste and tell me, for fear you should forget it 
again. 

JVoddy. Yes — yes — it is because I expect Captain Ormond to 
arrive to-day. 

1* 



6 TOM noddy's secret, 

Mary. His Servant is laere already, and is now preparing his 
cliatnber. 

JVoddij. Vei^'gy6n--]et me see, there was something else I had 
to nsk — oh — and Gabi'iello — is she arrived yet? 

Mary. No ! and pray why have you sent for her from her school 
at Tewksbury ? 

JVoiLly. Because I had a letter from the captain. Oh, my dear, 
you don't know the bother I 'm in ! 1 sent a coach and horses fur 
her, I could not do more, and she ought to have been hei'e by this 
time. 

Mary. And do you expect the captain to-day ? 

JVoddy. To-day ! I trust not ! but very probably, and, at all 
events, sooner or later the worst must be known. 

Mary. What can be the matter now? whenever Captain Ormond 
has been mentioned of late, you have seemed so frightened ; dear 
uncle, if there be any little difficulty let us talk it over before he 
comes. 

JVoddy. Little difficulty ! he '11 probably kill me, he '11 be so fu- 
rious. 

Mary. Oh, impossible ! pray tell me all. 

JVoddy. Hey? all? all what? Oh, I know — about Captain Or- 
mond — 3'es — yes — you were too young to remember the circum- 
stances — you could not have been more than eight or ten years old 

— for that was in the year 1G51 — and we are now in the month of 
June, IGOO. So it 's nine years ago, and I then lived just where I 
live now, in the environs of AVorcester town, and had written in let- 
ters of gold over my door — "Mr. Tom Noddy, teacher of Latin, 
Greek, Writing and Arithmetic." And it had a very striking effect, 
as it has now. One day — no, it was not in the day — but it was 
one night — just after the terrible battle which took place here, when 
the streets were strewed with dead bodies, when our present good 
King Charles was conquered, and William the Conquerer — no 

— no — I don't mean him — but the forces of Oliver Cromwell 
gained the day. "Well, one night a rap came at my door, and the 
battle being quite over, when the rap had been violently repeated 
six or seven times, I desired some one to open it, and there was 
a soldier, one of the royalist party, a handsome young man of 
nineteen or twenty, who bore before him on his war-horse a beautiful 
little boy. 

Mary. And the young soldier was Captain Ormond? 

JVoddy. Now you really put me out ; he certainly was not a cap- 
tain then, and if 1 call him a captain in that portion of my story 
when he was not a captain, I shall never be able to retain the thread 
of my discourse. 

Mary. Well, pray go on, 

A^odi/y. He held by the hand as he entered my house a beautiful 
little boy, about eight years old. "Sir," said he, bowing to me 
gracefully, "you are, I believe, an instructor of young gentlemen ? " 

— "Sir," said I, "I'm Tom Noddy, and such is my profession." 

— " Well," continued the little fellow, — no, the soldier — " here is 
a little fellow that I wish to have in your care — here is a purse, 



TOM noddy's secret. 7 

containing fifty broad pieces, and you shall yearly receive an ade- 
quate sum for his maintenance and education; I have not time to say 
more, my royal master is closely pursued, and I must rejoin him ; 
adieu ! " 

Mary. And thus he quitted you? 

JVoIdy. Yes: he remounted his horse and galloped away. — I 
took up the purse, and looked at the — the — little individual — I 
resolved to do my duty, and certainly the stranger was as good as his 
word, for his remittances have regularly reached me. 

Mary. Hark ! I hear a carriage ! [Gabrielle speaks without, C. 

JVoddy. Ah ! it is Gabrielle ! how delighted I am that she is ar- 
rived before the captain ! 

Enter Gabrielle, c. 

Gabrielle, {runs to Noddy). My dear friend, I am so glad to see 
you, and you too, Mary — how you are improved ! I 'm so glad to 
see this place, for it 's the first home that I can remember. 

Mary, (r.) We are equally glad to see you, dear Gabrielle — I 
declare, she is quite grown, is she not, uncle ? 

JVoddy, (l.) I really cannot take upon myself to answer that 
question decidedly at the moment, but we'll see about it — we'll 
measure her. 

Gabrielle. I 'm sure you will not hesitate to say that you are glad 
to see me, which is much more to the purpose. 

J\''oddy. Glad! why really — I — don't know what to say, my 
dear, for my mind is sadly harassed. 

Gabrielle. I suppose something ifcxtraordinary has occurred by 
your sending for me in such haste. 

A^oddy. My dear, I was obliged to send for you for a most embar- 
rassing reason — very embarrassing indeed ! 

Gabrielle. Indeed ! 

JS'^oddy. Yes, in fact Captain Ormond is coming. 

Gabrielle. Capt. Ormond ! What, my kind benefactor, who has 
been absent for so many years? has so regularly remitted to you 
such large sums on my account? — ah, how I do long to sec him — 
he has been to me a father — brother — friend. But for him I 
might have perished, or should at all events been poor and unedu- 
cated ; did you say he was coming here ? 

JVoddy. Why, certainly, I committed myself so far, having re- 
ceived a letter from him, to — 

Gabrielle. To announce his arrival ! Then I was not mistaken ; 
I have already seen him. 

JVoddy. Seen him ? — oh, dear ! 

Gabrielle. A few miles from hence, as the carriage was passing a 
gentleman on horseback, the horse started, reared violently, and he 
was thrown, but in a moment he regained his saddle, and gaily 
waved his hand to me to assure me of his safety — I am sure it was 
Captain Ormond. I could not imagine when or where I had seen him 
before, but now I can have no doubt. 

JVoddy. Oh ! — impossible you should remember him ; you were 
a mere child when last you saw him. 



8 TOM noddy's secret. 

Gabridle. True ; but I was a child who looked upon the pre- 
server of my life — such impressions are not easily obliterated. 

J\''oil(hj. iShe knew him — dear me dear me — how very em- 
barrassing ! 

Gabridle. And he wrote to you ? 

JVoddy. Hpy ? yes, here 's his letter. 

Mary. Weil then, you had better read it to us — we shall under- 
stand all about it. 

Gabrielle. Yes — yes ; read it ! 

JVcr.Jdy, {crosses to c.) "What!— read it you say? Why, yes, 
perhaps that is the step I ought to take. (Reads.) " London, June 
21st, 1660. — Dear Sir : — I have been at length enabled to accom- 
pany my royal master to London, after a long and painful exile." 

Gabridle. A painful exile ! poor fellow ! 

JVoddy, (reads). "Though I have not heard from you, I have 
ascertained that you are living in tlic same place ; my remittances 
have, I trust, readied you with punctuality, and I now am most 
anxious to sec the dear child T phiced under your care. I long to em- 
brace him and call him my son ! " 

Gabridle. His son ! 

JVoddy, (confused). Yes, it is in the letter, (spelling,) J^ Y 
S O JV son ! my son ! 

Gabrielle. Ah, then Captain Ormond left another child in your 
care? 

JVoddy. No — oh dear, no — only you. 

Gabrielle. But he says — 

JVoddy. Yes, he says '* my son," — and you see that is precisely 
what renders my situation at this moment so peculiarly embarrass- 
ing ; but the mistake was natural enough, for when he found you 
first, and indeed, when he brought you to me, you had on a pair of 
— that is — I mean — you were a little boy ; — no — no — dressed in 
boy's clothes. 

Gabrielle. Boy's clothes 1 

JVoddy. Yes — I suppose, in time of trouble, little boys are sup- 
posed to be in less peril than little girls, and so those about you, in 
the midst of the battle and murder that was going on in the town 
of Worcester, thought it prudent to put you in a little pair of — 

Gabridle, {k'asiily). But Captain Ormond — he knows all this — 
of course you told him? 

JVoddy. Told him, my dear ! I 've never seen him since ! 

Gabrielle. But you wrote to him ? — it was your duty to write to 
him ! 

JVoddy. My poor wife, who was living then — though you 'ro 
awai-e that now, unfortunately, she — 

Gabridle. Yes — yes — but Captain Ormond, — go on. 

jYoddy. V/hy my wife, who of course had the care of you, cer- 
tainly advised me to write to the captain, and tell him that we 
>ould take great care of his little girl — lillle girl of course dash" 
Id — 

Gabrielle. Well — and you — 

JVoddy. I always said I 'd see about it ! and — 



TOM koddy's secret. 9 

Gabrielle. But you did write ? 

JVoddy. Why, I put it off so long that I did not know what excuse 
to make for uot haviug done it before — and at last — 

Gabrielle. Well, at lard you Avrote ? 

JVodly. No. At last, there was a difficulty about his address — 
he was following in the suit of the exiled king — now in the low 
countries, and now in the high countries ; now in France, and now 
in Holland ; so that unless I had directed my letter to *' Captain 
Ormond, Poste Restant Europe," it stood no chance of reaching 
him ! 

Gabrielle. Oh, what a sad ei-ror ! this dear friend, that I have so 
longed to meet, may look on me with disappointment. He hastens 
to meet a son ! 

A^'oddy. Yes — yes — it 's dreadful ! I see all the difficulties of my 
situation ! 

Gabrielle. He will look upon me as an annoyance — he must 
have arranged all his plans. 

JVoddy, Oh yes, and has sent a beautiful horse foi* his son to ride 
upon — and the prettiest uniform I ever saw in my life ; he has se- 
cured you a post near the king ! 

Gabrielle. Poor fellow ! what a disappointment ! Oh that I 
were a boy ! to be a son to him. I would love him ; how I would ex- 
ert myself to please him ! 

JVoddy. What will become of us ? and the horse too ? and the uni- 
form ? He ought to have sent your virginals, or an embroidery frame. 

Gabrielle. He must know the truth at once ! 

JVoddy. To be sure — we'll see about it — and, by the by, I 
think you 'd much better tell him yourself. 

Gabrielle. Impossible! he would dislike me — and were he to 
frown on me, it wouU kill me. 

JVoddy. Kill you ! That would be serious ! Then, Mary, my dear, 
you had better tell him ! 

JMary. Remember, uncle, that after all you will be responsible, 
for to you the child was confided — you must tell him yourself. 

JVoddy. Dear me, we '11 sec about it — we certainly — 

Gabrielle. Hark I I hear a horse — it stops at the gate — 't is 
Ormond ! 

JVoddy. Oh ! what will become of me ? 

Gabrielle. Had not this cruel concealment been carried on, how 
joyfully I should have met him ! 

JMary. Come with me, Gabrielle ; my uncle must first see him 
alone. \_Exennt Gabrielle and Mary, r. 

JVoddy. Don't leave me ! They are gone ! She talked of a cruel 
concealment ! cruel ! They '11 all execrate mc — here he comes ! 

Ormond, {as he enters c.) Very well, I shall find him, I dare saj'. 
{Sees Noddy.) Oh yes, here he is — give me your hand — I now 
remember you perfectly. I must consider you an old friend. 

jXoddy, {embarrassed). I — yes — certainly. {Aside.) What 
will become me ? 

Ormond. And the child — my dear boy — my adopted son — my 
adopted son — how is he ? is he here ? I long to see him ! 



10 TOM noddy's secret. 

JK'oddij. And — and you really knew me ? 

Ormond. Oh yes, the same open frank countenance ; no deceit, 
no ! 

jYodd'if. Ilem ! 

Ormond. But where is my boy ? 

A''oddy. You must be fatigued ! 

Ormond. No — no — where is he ? 

JVoddy. But you are scarcely arrived, and — 

Ormond. My only oViject is to see him! 

J\^oddy. You must take some refreshments, and then we '11 see 
about it. 

Ormond. I require no refreshments ; besides, I met with a slight 
accident — 

JVoddy. An accident — dear me ! 

Ormond. Oh, nothing — a mere trifle — I am not so au fait with 
my horsemanship as I was befoe I left England ; my steed threw me 
— at the moment the prettiest little woman I ever saw in my life 
passed in a carriage ; she looked fiightened out of her wits, and 
was out of sight before I could do more than assure her by a ges- 
ture that I was safe. 

JVoddy. Safe — I 'm very glad. (Aside.) I should not have ob- 
jected if a few little bruises had detained him at the inn ! 

Ormond. But the boy — pray fetch him. 

JVoddy. What boy ? I beg pardon — yes, I know. 

Ormond. But by what name do you call him ? I forgot that. 

JVoddy. Oh, Gabrielle ! {Pronouncing it as a female name.) 

Ormond. Gabriel ! {Pronounciufj it as a male.) Why did you 
choose that name ? — it savors a little of the Puritans — but no mat- 
ter, the days of Oliver are at an end — and Gabriel — yes ; I dare 
say I shall like that name very well. 

JVoddy. I 'm glad you don't object to the name, because, you see, 
■viewing names historically, there are many names — 

Ormond. Methinks I see the dear boy now. 

JS'oddy, {aside). I wish you did with all my heart. {Aloud.) I 
can fully enter into your impatience ; for when one has saved the 
life of a fellow-creature, it is natural that one should — by the by, 
I don't think I ever knew hoio it was you saved the — the — little 
individual's life? You had not time to gee me, and the — the — 
little individual was so young that — 

Ormond. You must remember the situation of the town after the 
unfortunate battle ; as I rode from the field I saw, crouching be- 
neath a tent, the form of a beautiful woman — she was dying, and 
by her side was a lovely boy. 

JVoddy. A boy? 

Ormond. The mother expired ; but I snatched up the child and 
bore him to your house ; you know the rest, and now at once let me 
see Gabriel. 

JVoidy. I must speak. 

Ormond. What is the matter — is the boy ill ? 

JVoddy. The boy ! 
Ormond. Is the child alive ? 



TOM noddy's secret. 11 

J\roddy. Yes ; the child is quite well — quite. 

Orinond. Heaven be praised ! But if ■well, why is he not here ? 

JVoddy. Why, before you see the — the — individual, I think I 
ought to speak a few words. 

Ormond. Oh ! he has been too gay? has spent too much money ? 
and flirted with too many pretty girls ? 

JVoddy. No — no. 

Ormond. Played deeply ? I can forgive anything, and he will 
offend no more. If he is in debt, I will settle all demands. 

JVoddy. No — that is not it. I can't tell you ; you keep guessing 
so quick ! 

Ormond. Then he is in love? No matter ; he will forget all that 
when I take him to the regiment. 

JVoddy. The regiment ? 

Orinond. By the by, has he tried on the uniform I sent him? 
Did he like it ? 

JVoddy. Oh, the — the individual is always delighted with every 
new proof of your affection. 

Ormond. The dear boy ! — honored as I am with the favor of 
my sovereign, my protege is sure of rising rapidly in the army — 
I'll teach him to fence — to practise with the pistol — ay, and to 
ride too — though my own fall this morning shows me rather out of 
practice myself. 

JVoddy y {aside) . We '11 see about it. 

Ormond. You know I always told you that he was to be brought 
up as a soldier. Of course you attended to my wishes. 

JVoddy. Oh, yes ; as far as lay in my power : but if his natural 
turn did not lie that way, you can't blame 7ne. 

Ormond. Why, you don't mean to say my boy 's a coward? 

JVoddy. I 'm not at all conscious of having used such an expres- 
sion ; but you know you are a very young man still, or you '11 be 
falling in love, and going away — and you '11 forget the — the indi- 
vidual. 

Ormond. No, never — he is my adopted son, and he alone engrosses 
my atfections. [Crosses to k.) 

JVoddy. Well, we shall certainly see about it and — and — 

Ormond^ {looking from window). Ah, who is that pretty woman 
now walking in your garden ? 

JVoddy. A pretty woman ? (Looks out.) 

Ormond. That 's the identical beauty who passed me when I fell 
this morning — tell me, is she your relation ? 

JVoddy. I certainly look upon her as a sort of relation. 

Ormond. You must introduce me. 

JVoddy, (aside). Now this is an additional perplexity. 

Ormond. And now send Gabriel to me. I will not wait a moment 
longer. 

JVoddy, (aside). Anything to get out of the room. (Aloud.) 
Certainly, we'll see about it. (Aside.) She shall come and tell her 
Dwn story. [ Exit^ l. 

Ormond. A tiresome old man ! But if he has done his duty to 
ttiy boy, I shall excuse everything — every moment seems an age. 



12 TOM noddy's secret. 

( Goes to window.) Nobody in the garden, not even that pretty girl 
I saw just now — she might have amused me. 

[M-'/ii/e he looks from the window^ Noddy enters in front with 
Gabrielle, ill a handsome uniform, L. 

J\''oddy, (aside). "Why am / to come "with you? you had much 
better go alone. 

Gabricllc, {aside). I dare not, I am so frightened ! 

JVoddy, {aside). But I don't understand what you are going to 
do or say ? 

Gabrielley (aside). Present me — name me — that is all I ask — 
I will then speak for myself. 

JVoddxj. Oh, well — if that 's all, certainly. Captain Ormond? 

Ormond, {turning.) Yes; who is this? 

Moddy, { point! n'/ to Gaukielle). The — the individual. 

Ormond. Gabriel? 

JVoddy. Yes. 

Ormond y {runs to her). My dear boy — my dear son ! {Grasps 
her hand.) 

Gabrielle. Oh, my friend — my dear — dear benefactor ! 

{Falls on her knee, and kisses his hand — Ormond raises and cm- 
braces her. 

Ormond. My son — my dear son ! — Hang it, I can't see, I sure- 
ly can't be crying ! Call me your father. 

Gabrielle. Oh, no — you don't look like' my father, you are so 
young. 

Ormond. And my uniform fits you ! yet I must confess I expected 
to see a taller and move military figure. 

Gabrielle. You are disappointed. 

Ormond.. No, on my honor — just as I see you now, I would have 
you ever remain — I feol happy while I gaze on you. {Aside.) What 
can the old man be fidgeting about? 

JVoddy. I '11 leave you together now. 

Ormond. Do so, by all means — 

JVoddy. Certainly. {Aside.) He '11 soon know all ! I should like 
to lock myself up in the coal-cellai\ [Exit E. 

Ormond. Give me your hand ; are you glad to see me again ? 

Gabrielle. Oh, yes ! indeed I am, very glad — I was never so 
happy before. 

Ormond, {sits). You would not have remembered me ? 

Gabridle. Oh, yes ; I have never forgotten you — I have thought 
of you, dreamt of you. {Aside.) I could not have said that if it had 
not been for the uniform. 

Ormond. And you would have known me ? 

Gabrielle, (bringing a chair rather near him). Yes! {Aside.) 
I did know him when he fell from his horse, but I must not say so ! 

Ormond. But you don't seem at your case Avith me. You 're not 
afraid of me ? 

Gabrielle, {draicing nearer). Oh, no, sir, not at all ! 

Ormond. Sir : you are not to call me •' Sir ! " 
Gabrielle. Well, then. Captain? 
Ormond. Captain ! just as bad ! 



TOM noddy's secret. 13 

Gabrielle. What would you have me call you? 

Ormond. Hemember I have protected you since you were an in- 
fant — you have known no other father — what then does your own 
heart bid you call me ? 

Gabrielle, {taking his hand). Ormond, dear Ormond — 

Ormond. That 's right, dear Gabriel ! 

Gabrielle. You cannot doubt my love — my gratitude I mean* — 
and I only fear I shall prove unworthy of your unceasing kindness. 
I have no friend but you, and should you ever desert me, I am 
lost. 

Ormond. I desert you? Never! — always come to me in any 
difficulty, you will find me reac|7 to assist you. Even now I see that 
there 's something the matter — you are anxious and embarrassed; 
tell me what annoys you — perhaps you 've killed a man in a duel ? 

Gabrielle. Oh, no, no ! What a strange notion I (Jlside.) 

Ormond. Well, I only asked the question ; be assured, at all 
events, that you will always be the first object with me ! 

Gabrielle. Not if — if you marry. 

Ormond. Marry ! / marry ! I 'm not likely to do that. I con- 
sider you my own child, and with such a companion I shall not 
think of marriage — my mind will be occupied in teaching you how 
to be a soldier ! 

Gabrielle, (timidhj). Would a — a daughter have been equally 
interesting to you ? 

Ormond. A daughter ! oh, dear, no — I should never have 
known what to do with a daughter — always sitting at work. The 
eternal snip, snip, snip of her scissors ringing in my ears ! Then the 
difficulty of getting a daughter settled in life, as the saying is. Oh, 
it would have bored me to death. But a boy takes up his little knap- 
sack, eats what you eat, drinks what you drink, and is always con- 
tent with a little homely bed spread in the corner of your tent. No, 
no — you are my son ; and as for marriage — t swear — 

Gabrielle. Oh, don't swear you 'U never marry — 

Ormond. And why not ? — but, dear me, now I look at you again, 
I see a likeness. 

Gabrielle. Indeed! 

Ormond. Yes ; to a young girl I saw just now in the garden. 

Gabrielle. Indeed! Oh! very likely — a family likeness ! 

Ormond. What do you mean ? 

Gabrielle. That was my cousin. 

Ormond. Your cousin ! how came you by cousins? 

Gabrielle. Yes; one cousin — only one ! 

Ormond. Then have you discovered your relations ? 

Gabrielle. Oh ! Mr. Noddy will tell you all about that by-and-by 
— I have no relation but that little cousin — and yourself. 

Ormond. And what is she? 

Gabrielle. An orphan like myself? 

Ormond. Where does she come from? 

Gabrielle. She has been under the care of a governess at Tewk*» 
bury, and came here to-day. 

Ormond. True — I overtook her on that road this morning. 



14 TOM noddy's secret. 

Gahrielle. OIi, yes ! she told me that. 

Ormond. Your cousin is a charming girl. * 

Gahrielle. I have often been told that. 

Ormond. And do you admire her? 

Gahrielle. Oh, yes — certainly. 

Ormond. Then perhaps you are in love with her ? 

Gahrielle. Oh dear, no 1 I 'm told she has had excellent offers, 
but has rejected them all — she is very difficult to be pleased. 

Ormond. Indeed ! 

Gahrielle. Oh, very — even /have failed. 

Ormond. Wonderful ! but she may like another after all. 

Gahrielle. I 'II bet you a wager yotii don't succeed. 

Ormond. Oh, you lay wagers, do you? Well, suppose I try. 

Gahrielle. I advise you not. 

Ormond. Well, perhaps you are right — so I think the sooner we 
leave this place the better. I sent you a spirited horse, and I 
long to see you bestride him. 

Gahrielle, (aside). Oh, dear me ! (Aloud.) A spirited horse ! 
Remember what happened to you this morning ? 

Ormond, {laughing). You are at liberty to laugh at me — but for 
all that we must go. 

Gahrielle. Oh, but I can't go. 

Ormond. Why not ? 

Gahrielle, (aside). What excuse shall I make? (Aloud.) It is 
— I don't know how to tell you — but — the fact is — I 'm in love. 

Ormond. With your cousin? 

Gahrielle. Oh, no ! 

Ormond. Who is it ? Who is the lady ? 

Gahrielle. We have been brought up together, our hearts aro 
closely twined, you cannot tear them asunder. 

Ormond. I must know who it is. 

Gahrielle. The niece of Mr. Noddy — the adorable Mary. 

Ormond. This is what old Noddy wanted to tell me ! this is the 
mystery ! I must meet the old man, and speak my mind on the subject. 

Gahrielle. Then you will not force us asunder? No, no. Ah ! 
she is here. (Aside.) What will poor Mary think ? 

Enter Mart, r. 

Mary. Captain Ormond, if you wish to repose, your chamber is 
ready for you. 

Gahrielle. Ah ! dearest, best, how welcome are you. We were 
talking of you. Most adorable creature, we are never to be sepa- 
rated, (j^sirfe /o Mary.) Take the hint from me — deny nothing. 

Ormond. This is the niece then ? 

Mary, (orsi^e /o Garrielle.) What can it mean ? (Aloud.) So 
you've told all? 

Gahrielle. Yes ; and he consents to our union. Happy man that 
I am ! 

Ormond. Here 's a pretty piece of business ! 

Gahrielle, (runs and embraces Mary). Pear, dear Mary ! are 
we not a fortunate pair ? 



TOM noddy's secret. Id 

Enter Inkpen, r. 

Inkpen. Iley ! what ! a soldier kissing Mary ! Well, in my life 
I never saw anything to equal that ! and another soldier looking on ! 

Mary, (aside). Ah ! what a rage he will be in ! 
Onnond. You seem to have a rival, Gabriel ! 

Inkpen. You did not expect me quite as soon, it seems, Miss 
Mary Noddy. Now I understand why I could get no answer this 
morning. Now I know why your uncle said he 'd see about it ! and 
I '11 see about it too, I can promise you. 

Onnond, (aside). I wish this little third person would interfere 
and break off the match. 

Inkpen, (crosses to Gabrielle). Though you are a soldier, sir, 
and I am usher, you '11 find, sir, that it will not be easy to interfere 
with my pretensions with impunity. You wear a feather in your 
cap, sir, and I only a pen behind my ear, but I don't want for valor, 
sir, and that you shall find. [Crosses to c. 

Ormond, (aside to Gabrielle). You must not allow that man to 
insult you — answer him. 

Inkpen. You little whip-snapper, I despise you ! 

Ormond, (to Inkpen). Sir, you are behaving improperly ! 

Inkpen, (to Ormond). Sir, you are meddling in what don't con- 
cern you. 

Gabrielle, (aside to Ormond). Don't condescend to notice him — 
I '11 settle this. 

Mary, (to Inkpen). I beg to say that I am mistress of my own 
actions, and you are intrusive. 

Inkpen. I intrusive • / — and I 'm to be told so by a girl who 
lets the soldiers kiss her ! 

Ormond, (to Gabrielle). Speak to him — say one such soldier is 
worth a bushel of writing-masters. 

Gabrielle. Yes ; one soldier is worth a bushel of such writing- 
masters. 

Ormond, (aside). Excellent ! 

Inkpen, (advancing). A bushel, sir ! take care or you '11 be in a 
peck of troubles. 

Mary. You 'd better stop, Mr. Inkpen. 

Inkpen. No power shall stop me ! Shall I be supplanted by a Ut- 
ile contemptible — boy — BO Y — a thing of one syllable ? 

Ormond, (aside). Box his ears ! 

Gabrielle, (aside). Do you bid me do it ? 

Ormond, (aside). If you don't I '11 do it myself. 

Inkpen. A little weak effeminate — [Gabrielle boxes his ears. 

Ormond. Excellent again ! 

Gabrielle, (aside). Oh dear ! how I 've hurt my hand ! 

Inkpen, (furious). A blow ! — I '11 be revenged ! 

Ormond. I '11 arrange this affair — you will require satisfaction, 
contemptible as you are ; you shall have it. What are your arms ? 

Inkpen, (furious). Blunderbuss, rifle, musket, pistol, broad- 
sword, small sword, sabre, cutlass, bayonet, knife, hatchet, toma- 
hawk, penknife ! 



16 TOM noddy's secret. 

Gahrielle. Hush, little man, you mean birch-rod, cane and rule. 
Name your hour ! 

Inlcpsn. Hour, sir ! All day long, from dawn to sunset, and even 
then I 'II fight by torchlight. 

OrmoncL At seven o'clock, at the back of the garden. 

Inkpen. I will be there to avenge that blow I No man ever struck 
me and lived. \^Exil n. 

Enter Noddy, r. 

JVoddy. Oh dear ! what a noise ! what 's the matter? 

Ormo)id, (coolly). Oh, only a duel ! 

JVoddy. A duel ! and who is going to fight ? 

Orjnond. My little Gabriel. 

JVoddy. The individual. {Aside to Gabrielle.) I know how to 
prevent that. I '11 tell all. 

GabrieUey {aside). No, no — be silent, keep my secret — come, 
Mary. \_Exeunt Gabrielle and Mary, l. 

JVoddy. Dear me, a duel ! what is he going to fight about ? 

Ormond. You may thank your silly blindness. 

JVoddy. My silly blindness ! why, really, when you talk of blind- 
ness I — 

Ormond. I know all ! deception is useless. 

JVoddy. Oh, 3'ou know all? So much the better. 

Ormond. Then you approve of their attachment? 

JVoddy. I don't know what you mean. 

Ormond. Don't you know that my adopted son, Gabriel, wants 
to marry your niece, and that if we don't keep a good look-out 
they 'U run away Avith one another ? 

JVoddy. La ! bless me ! what a heap of circumstances to come 
together in one day. The — the individual run away with ray niece ! 
I don't think that likely, but we'll see about it — indeed, if you 
wish it, I '11 speak to my niece on the subject, and that I may remem- 
ber to do so, I '11 tie a knot in my handkerchief. (Takes it out.) 
Well, I protest, here ai-e two knots already, and I have not the re- 
motest idea why I put them there ; however, I '11 make a third. 
{Ties knot.) 

Ormond. It is on account of his absurd attachment to your niece 
that Gabriel is going to fight that usher of yours. 

JVoddy. And Gabrielle 's really going to fight. 

Ormond. The duel once over, we shall immediately leave this place 
forever. Send Gabriel to me ; I must see him fence before his life is 
placed in peril. Should I not find him equal to that task, I myself 
will take his place. Be sure you do not alarm his fair cousin. 

JVoddy, (aside). His fiir cousin ! who 's that, I wonder? 

Ormond, (looks from ike loindow). Ah, there she is : she is walk- 
ing in the garden, and alone. I will hasten and speak with her. Bo 
sure you go to the boy and bid him meet me here. ^Exit c. 

JVoddy. Things must come to a crisis soon. I wish this captain 
had never come. What shall I do about the duel ? I must tell him all; 
yes — on second thoughts I'll write — yes — now for it. {Sits> at 
tablet L., puis on spectacles.) It's much better to write. If the 



TOM noddy's secret. 17 

news irritates him, he then in his fary can only tear the letter, but 
if I were to go and tell liim in propria pei'sona he might tear me, so 
I 'II certainly Avrite. {He writes, and reads the letter.) 

♦' Honored Captain : — We must, in this life, be prepared for any 
wonderful event that may occur. You once saved the life of a follow- 
crcature — you brought the individual to my house, and said, ' Edu- 
cate this boy ! ' But it is my duty to inform you that the little boy 
was a little girl ; and to make a long story short, she is the bearer 
of this letter. I am your humble servant, Tom Noddy." 

l^Scals and directs the letter. 

There now — that 's a relief to my mind, and now I'll give it to 
Gabrielle, and she shall deliver it. {He rises and is passing the 
window.) 

Enter Ormond, c, with foils. 

Ormond. What, you still here ? — where 's Gabriel ? 

J^oddy. Gabrielle? 

Ormond. Yes, I told you to send him here half an hour ago. 

JVoddy. Yes — but — but — was he not in the garden ? 

Ormond. Oh, no ; I have been walking in the garden with his 
cousin ; he was not there. 

JVoddy, {aside). His cousin ! One mystery follows another so 
quick that I get bewildered. I think it would be better to go and 
have my head shaved. 

Ormond. She is a charming girl ! It is high time I and Gabriel 
should be oflP, for I could not answer for my heart were I to remain 
in her society ; but pray go and send Gabriel to me immediately. 

JVoddy. Yes, certainly. {Aside.) I '11 go and give her the let- 
ter, and then she must come and deliver it. \_Exit L. 

Ormond. Ah, he is here — come, my dear Gabriel. 

Enter Gabrielle, c. 

Gabrielle. I have been looking for you everywhere ! 

Ormond. I 've got news for you — the old man is reasonable, and 
does not insist on your marrying his niece, so, the duel once over, we 
will be off to London. 

Gabrielle. Indeed I Then you are impatient to go ? 

Ormond. Yes, for two reasons — you will be safer, out of Mary's 
way, and I too am in danger as long as I remain here. 

Gabrielle. Indeed ! — why so ? 

Ormond. I dread your cousin's fascination. 

Gabrielle, {aside). Ah! I rejoice at that. {Aloud.) Then you 
think you could like her ? 

Ormond. Yes ; she is both beautiful and agreeable. 

Gabrielle. Oh, then, why should we go? If you ask her pretti- 
ly, perhaps she may marry you. 

Ormond. No, no — it 's not your interest that I should marry. 

Gabrielle. Indeed, but it is, though. 

Ormond. But you are forgetting your duel. Courage will not do 
well — skill is also required, so take the foil, and we will have a 
little practice together. {Gives foil.) Now for it. 
2* 



18 TOM noddy's secret. 

GahrieUe, {aside). I 've seen people, — so I '11 do my best. 

IThey fence ; after a few passes Gabrielle cries " You 've hurt 
me!" and drops the foil. — Ormond throws aside the foil t 
and supports her, who seems ready to faint. 
Ormond. The foil must have been broken ; let me bind up your 
hand, my poor boy. Y/hat a little hand for such rough exercise ! 

Gabrielle, (recovering). Oh, it is nothing. I feel quite well 
now ! 

Ormond. Take courage ! 

Gabrielle, {aside). I don't know where to find it ! 
Ormond. I shall meet your antagonist : this wound shall be your 
excuse. 

Gabrielle. You meet him? — oh, no ! 

Enter Mart, 'L.^-with a letter. 

Mary, {aside). Oh dear, what shall I do ! She is not alone. 
( Goes to Gabrielle.) How pale you look ! — are you ill ? 

Ormond. He does look pale, indeed. Go, Gabriel, and recover 
yourself. {Aside.) I did not expect to find an effeminate boy. 

Mary. You've hurt your hand. {Aside.) Are you going? — 
You must deliver this letter to the captain before you go. 

Ormond. They are whispering together : I wish we were off. 
{Goes up and sils at table.) 

Gabrielle, {aside). Give the letter yourself. 

Mary, {aside). But my uncle said most particularly you were to 
give it. 

Gabrielle. What can it signify which gives it — you do it at once. 
I go, but shall soon return as my cousin. ^ lExit. 

Mary. Dear me, she is gone. I hate delivering this letter to the 
captain, and what can it signify who delivers it, provided he gets it ? 

Enter Inkpen, r. 

Inkpen. What, Mary here, and with the officer again? 

Mary. Ah, here is Inkpen ; he shall deliver it. Take that letter 
and give it to the captain. 

Inkpen. I give it — /be your postman ! I give another man a 
letter from my soul's idol — I-d-o-1 — idol. 

Mary. Nonsense, you little jealous fool ; it 's not a letter from me, 
it 's a letter from my uncle. 

Inkpen. Oh, a letter from your uncle? 

Mary. Yes, look at the direction — you know his hand. I ask 
you to deliver it, because I do not wish to speak to the captain my- 
self. 

Inkpen. Quite right, I will deliver it. Go along — there 's a good 

.Mary. Be sure you give it to him. 

Inkpen. Of course I shall. {Exit Mary, l.) It is her uncle's 
hand — let me be sure of that. Yes, that 's his capital 0. {Aloud. ) 
Captain ! 

Ormond. Well, what do you want? 

Inkpen. A letter for you, sir. 



TOM noddy's seceet. 19 

Onnond, (coming forward). A letter — give it to me. (Opens 
and reads it.) What is this? from Mr. Noddy — ha ! the little boy. 
What, "the little boy" is a "little girl," and the bearer, too, a 
" girl ! " (Loofcs at Enkpen.) 

Inlcpen, (aside). How he does stare at me ! — in such a very pe- 
culiar way. 

Onnond. Is it possible? a female — and such a female! This, 
then, is the individual for whom I have interested myself for ten 
yeai's ! Oh, a fool I have made of myself! 

Inlcpen, (aside). He seems remarkably angry ! 

Ormond. I shall go mad — yet — why should I be angry with 
this poor young woman ? — she, at all events, is not to blame. No, 
no — it is unjust ; poor girl, her appearance is not in her favor ! 

Inkpen, (aside). What girl is he talking about — how singularly 
he fixes his eyes on me ! 

Onnond. Do not be frightened — I am not angry with you. You 
can't help it — I can feel for a timidity so natural in one in your sit- 
uation. But now tell me frankly, who is that young lad — whence 
does he come — what is his name ! 

Inkpen. What young lad? know nothing about him. 

Ormond. No, no — of course you have not been permitted to 
associate with young men — but you must know who he is. 

Inlcpen. I '11 be shot if I do, though. 

Ormond, (aside). How coarsely she expresses herself ! (Aloud.) 
Remember, I have been your friend from infancy ; the orphan girl 
is surely not ungrateful ? 

Inlcpen. And who the devil 's the orphan girl ? 

Ormond. Hush — you use expressions little becoming those lips. 
Since I now know the truth let me see you in your own clothes. 

Inlcpen. My own clothes — what do you want? 

Ormond. In your present costume you are naturally awkward — 
I cannot wish you to be otherwise : but when you assume the petti- 
coats — 

Inlcpen. Petticoats ! 

Ormond. When you stand before me in the dress that befits your 
sex, I doubt not that I shall find graces and charms that are now ob- 
scured by — 

Inlcpen. He 's mad — he must be mad ! 

Ormond. Of one thing be assured — if that young man really 
loves you — 

Inlcpen. What ! 

Ormond. If you love him, your union shall not be opposed by me. 
I have taken an interest in your welfare for so many years, that I 
cannot, at all events, become indifferent to you ; therefore, dear 
girl — 

Inlcpen. Dear girl ! Zounds, I '11 beat any man black and blue 
who turns mo into ridicule. I '11 call you to account, sir — dear girl, 
indeed ! 

Enter Mary, l. 

Mary. Oh dear me, -what 's the matter ? 



20 TOM NODDT*S SECRET. 

InJcpen. I gave him the letter, and he has done nothing but in- 
sult rac ever since. 

Mary. Oh dear me, I ought to have given it to him myself as I 
was desired. 

OrmonrL As you were desired ! Oh, then, I see the cause of tins 
confasion — you were toLl to give me that letter — you then are the 
little girl. {Aside.) This is, at all events, a relief to my mind. 

Mary. Yes — I was certainly told to give you that letter. 

Onnond. Then come to my arms. 

Mary. Good gracious ! 

Inkpcn. Halloo ! don't you go near him — don't dare ! 

Mary. Keep your distance, sir ! 

Ormond. It must be my adopted child — how well do I remember 
finding you in your little jacket and trousers. 

Mary. My jacket and trousers ! 

lakpen. Her jacket and trousers ! what do you mean ? 

Ormond. Go away — you know not the interest I take in that 
dear girl's f ite. 

Inlcpen. Dear girl's fate! he was for calling me a dear girl just now. 

Ormond, {kissinr/ Mart). You have always been accustomed to 
look to me for support — and I will not desert you now. I forgive 
you for the deception practised upon me. 

Inlcpen. There, that 's the second soldier that has kissed Mary 
to-day ! Miss Noddy — little ones and big ones, subalterns and 
captains, seem all alike to you ! 

Orrnond. Really, your intrusion annoys me. 

Inlcpen. No doubt of it, and really I wish you at the bottom of 
the sea. I came here purposely to meet my rival, and now I pop 
upon another. If I were to meet all my rivals, I 've no doubt I 
should find myself in a crowd ! — a regular military muster. 

Mary. You are very impertinent, sir ! 

Ormond. I forbid Mary to receive you in future. 

InJcpen. You forbid? you! come, I like that. "What authority 
have yout I should be glad to know ? 

Enter Noddy, l., with his spectacles pushed up on his forehead. 

JVoddy. There seems no end to worry — what 's the matter now ? 

InJcpen. A pretty thing, indeed ! Soldiers kissing your niece ! 

Ormond. Nonsense ! she is not his niece. 

Mary. What can he mean now ? 

JVbdJy. Not my niece — where are my spectacles — has anybody 
seen my spectacles? {LooJcs for iJiem on table.) Captain, did you 
happen to take my — (Mary points to tJiem.) Oh, hei'c they ai-e ; 
and now let me look at the young woman I {Adjusts spectacles and 
looJcs earnestly at Mary.) Captain Ormond, I am sorry to contra- 
dict you, but I do positively aJ2irm that tliis is my niece. 

Ormond. Then explain this, sir — I — 

Inlcpen. No explanation here, sir ; at the proper hour — in the 
proper place — with the appointed weapon — seven o'clock — garden 
wall — smallsword — come, sir — it only wants a few minutes — I 
hasten to the spot ! lExit o 



TOM noddy's secret. 21 

Ormond. Thank goodness he's j];one ! What did you mean by 
this letter? You explicitly say in it that the bearer, this young lady, 
is tho child I saved. 

JVoddy. Cless me ! that young lady ! my niece ! oh, no. This is 
too much for my poor head — another perplexity. 

Mary. I see the error now — 't was I gave that letter to the cap- 
tain. 

JVoddy. Then you 've made matters worse. I, who thought I was 
explaining everything ! In two words I can make it all clear. 

Ormond. Then the sooner you utter the two words the better. 

JVoddy. I did not intend her to deliver that letter. 

Ormond. No? — Who then? 

JVoddy. Another person. 

Ormond, {takes him by the collar). Speak ! who then was to de- 
liver it ? Speak — 

JVoddy. The individual — 

[Gabrielle has listened at c. in female costume^ advances r. 0. 

GabricUe. I ought to have delivered it. 

Ormond. (R.) You! Oh, do not deceive me ! 

JVoddy. (l. ) She has just come in time to save me from suffocation. 

Gabrielle. Pray pardon mo — you ought long since to have been 
undeceived — but in that I was not to blame. 

JVoddy, (aside). Oh, no ; she'll tell him 'twas all my fault. 

Gabrielle. 1 knew not of it until this morning, just before your 
arrival ; and then not having courage to meet you, I made my cousin 
take my place. 

JVoddy. Her cousin ! She 's floundering into another mystery. 

Gabrielle. At length I venture to appear before you — 

Ormond. As my adopted child ? 

Gabrielle. Yes ; a daughter — you '11 never know what to do with 
a daughter — always sitting at her work — the eternal snip, snip of 
her scissors ringing in your ears ? 

Ormond. My own words ! who could have repeated them to you? 

Gabrielle. A person who heard you utter them, and who has no 
secret from me. 

Ormond. Think no more of them— I have changed my mind. 
When I look on you, I feel that I am fortunate in having escaped the 
guai'dianship of a rake and a roue. 

Gabrielle. But you forget " the difficulty of getting a daugh- 
ter settled in life," as the saying is. 

Ormond. Alas ! I shall rather sigh over the probability of your 
being soon snatched from me by some favored lover ! 

Gabrielle. Then you never wish to see my cousin again? 

Ormond. Ob, no — and yet, I do wish to see him, for he seemed 
to love me. 

Gabrielle. I share all his sentiments ; as he feels so I feel ; and 
were we in the same dress, I do not think you would know one from 
the other. 

Ormond. But will you be as unreserved, will you give me your 
hand, as he would have done ? 



22 TOM noddy's secret. 

Gabrielh, {giving her xoounded hand). That will I as frankly. 

Ormond. What ! this wound ! — It is Gabriel ! 

Gabrielle. I feared to lose your affections, and therefore ventured 
to assume the uniform. Gabriel never existed, but Gabrielle lives to 
thank you for your kindness. 

Ormond. To be my only love — my wife ! (Embraces her.) 

Enter Inkpen, c, with a long sword. 

Inkpen. Pretty soldiers, indeed ! There have I been under the 
garden-wall this half-hour ! For shame — polti'oons ! cowards ! 

Ormond. Pardon me, I quite forgot j'ou altogether ; but there is 
your antagonist, the lady who boxed your ears. 

Gabrielle. And quite ready to apologize for her flippancy. • 

JVoddy. I do think matters are taking a more favorable turn. 
You must not be angry, my good usher. 

Inkpen. Angry ! no, I feel honored. I don't care if she beats me 
again with that lily hand : but you are not a young lady in disguise, 
too, are you? {To Ormond.) 

Ormond. "Why, no, certainly not ; but you have a right to ask, aa 
I actually took you for one of the fair sex ; but be assured that I 
have no pretensions to Miss Mary ! 

Inkpen. Indeed ! Well, then, old Tom Noddy, now give me an 
answer — am I to marry Mary? 

JVoddy. We '11 see about it — we '11 see about it. I '11 not forget 
to consider of it by-and-by. I '11 tie a knot in my handkerchief. 
{Takes out handkerchief and crosses to c.) Three knots already! 
I quite forget what about — I '11 tie the fourth however — and, dear 
me, my ring changed, too ! I wish I could recollect what it was that 
I wished to remember — can anybody tell me? Oh, I recollect. 
{To audience.) Will you be kind enough to try and remember not 
to forget to tie knots in all your handkerchiefs, that you may not fail 
to remind your friends how you approved of Tom Noddy's Secret ? 

DISPOSITION OF THE CHAEACTERS. 
Noddy. 

0*^ % 



/ 



(Catalogue continued from second page of cover.) 



VOL. XLI. 
S21 The Pirates Legacy 

322 The Charcoal Burner 

323 Adelgitha 

324 Sen or Valiente 

325 Forest Rose 

326 Duke's Daughter 

327 Camilla's Hui band 

328 Pure Gold 



VOL. XLir. 
329 Ticket of Leave Man 
3.30 Fool' B Revenge 

331 O' Neil the Great 

332 Handy Andy 

3.33 Pirate of the Isles 
334 Fanchon 
3.35 Little Barefoot 
336 Wild Irish Girl 



VOL. XLIII. 

337 Pearl of Sayoy 

338 Dead Heart 



Hamlet, in Three Aets 
The Oath of Office 



Gn'tJe & Gulplt 



Bound Volumes, containing Eight Plays $1 25 

The Gmde to the Stage, by Lemait Thomas Rede. Containing Clear and Full Directloos far obtaining 
Theatrical Engagements, with complete and valuable instructions for beginners, relative to salaries, rules, man- 
ner of going through Rehearsals , securing proper dresses, conduct at a first appearance, ftc, Ac. To which is 
Hflded a list of the principal English and American Theatres. Edited and adapted to the American Stage by 
K!(A>jci9 c. Wkmvss. Price 15 Cents. 



Maasey's Exhibition Beciter and Dra-vving: Boom Entertainments. 
Being choice Recitations in prose and verse. Together with an unique collection of 
Petite Comedies, Dramas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schools and Families. 
By Charles Massey, Professor of Elocution at Burlington College, N. J., and Me- 
chanics' Society School, New York City. Two numbers per ntunber, 

The Two numbers, bound in cloth, School style ,— -.^■._ 

Dramas for the Dra-wring Room, by Mkb Kkatinq 

Plays for the Parlor, by Miss Keating 

Acting Charades, by Miss Pickering 

Joe Miller's Own Jest Book 

liife of a Showman, by David Prince Miller 

Punch and Judy, Illustrated 

Comic Dramas, for College, Camp, or Cabin, (Male Characters only,) 

Dramas for Boys, (Male Characters only,) by Miss Keating 

Home Plays for Ladies, (Female Characters only,) complete in 2 parts each 

An Evening's Entertainment, an original Comedy, a Burlesque and Farce 

Shakspeare's Proverbs, by Mrs. Cowdin Clarke _ 

Playgoer's Joiimal, 3 parts _ each 



80 

75 

40 

40 

40 

40 

40 

40 

40 

40 [ 

40 

40 

80 

80 



\ 



THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA. 

Uncle Jeff. 

The ]S/Eischievous Nigger. 

The Black Shoemaker. 

The Magic Penny. 

The 'Wreck. 

Oh, Hush ! or. The Vir- 
ginny Cupids. 

The Portrait Painter. 

The Hop of Fashion. 

Bone Squash. 

The Virginia Mummy. 

Thieves at the Mill. 

Comedy of Errors. 
The above Dramas have been produced with the utmost care, not only to the conectnesa 
to ihe text, but to all the Stage Directions, Properties, and other minutiae, pertaining to 
their being properly placed on the Stage. Although these Dramas are specially adapted 
for Ethiopian entertainments, they are well fitted for Private Theatricals. 

^F" NOTICE.— OmTi^ to the continued increase in price of Press "Work, Paper and 
Binding, we thall be obliged to charge Fifteen Cents at Retail, for the Standard and Minor 
Drama.— January 1st, 1864. 

Any of the above sent by Mail or Express on receipt of price. 

SAMTJEL FRENCH, Publisher, 

122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) 
Agent for Lacy's, Cumberland's, and "Webster's English Plays. 



No. 1. 


Bobert Make-Airs. 


No. 14. 


2. 


Box and Cox 


15. 


3. 


Mazeppa. 


16. 


4. 


United States MaiL 


17. 


> 5. 


The Coopers. 


18. 


6. 


Old Dad's Cabin. 


19. 


7. 


The Rival Lovers. 




8. 


The Sham Doctor. 


20. 


9. 


Jolly MiUers. 


21. 


10. 


Villikins and his Dinnah. 


22. 


11. 


The Quack Doctor. 


23. 


12. 


The Mystic SpeU. 


24. 


13. 


The Black Statue. 


25. 



^ 



I 



^ 



LiBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



FRENCH'S AiliN 

Price 15 Cenu^ each.— Bou 



VOL. I. 

1 The Irish Attorney 

2 Boots at tbe Bw«n 
S How to pay the Kent 

4 The Loan of a Lover 

5 Th<> Dead Shot 

6 His Last Legs 

7 The lavisible Prince 

8 The Golden Farmer 

VOL. II. 

9 Pride of the Market 

10 Used Up 

11 The Irish Tutor 

12 The Barrack Room 
ISLulce the Laborer 

14 Beauty and the Beast 

15 St. Patrick's Kve 

16 Captain uf the Watch 

VOL. III. 

17 The Secret Ipers 

18 White Horse of the Psp- 

19 The Jacobite 

20 The Bottle 

21 Box and Cox 
23 Bamboozling 

23 Widow's Victim 

24 Robert Maoaire 

VOL, IV. 

25 Secret Service 

26 Omnibus 

27 Irish Lion 

28 Maid of Croissy 

29 The Old Guard 

30 Raising the Wind 

31 Slasher and Crasher 

32 Naval Bngagsmcnts 

VOL. V. 

33 Oocinies in California 

34 Who Speaks First 

35 Bomoaste^ J urioso 

36 Macbeth Traveatie 

37 Irish Ambassador 

38 Delicate Ground 

39 The M'eathercock [Gold 

40 All that Glitters is Not 

VOL. VI. 

41 Grlmshaw, Bagshaw and 

Bradshaw 

42 Rough Diamond 

43 Bloomer Costume 

44 Two Bonuycastles 

45 Born to Good Luck 

48 Kiss in the Dark [jarei 
47 'Twould Puzzle a Con 
43 Kill or Cure 

VOL. VII. 

49 Box and Cox Married and 

50 St. Cupid ISettlsd 

51 Go-to-bed Tom 

52 The Lawjers 

53 Jack Sheppard 
64 The Toodles 
55 The Mobcap 
o6 Ladies Beware 

voi,. vm. 

57 IforniDg Call 

58 Popping tlie Question 
I 69 Deaf as a Post 

60 New Footman 

61 Pleasant Neighbor 

62 Paddy the Piper 

63 Brian O'Llnn 
84 Irish Assurance 

I VOL. IX. 

I 65 Tftmptation 

66 Paddy Carey 

67 Two Gregories 

68 King Charming 

69 Po cahon-tas 

70 Clockmaker's Hat 

71 Married Kake 

7a Love and Murder 
VOL. XXXVIL 

289 All tho World's a Stage 

290 Quash, or Nigger Prmctioe 
2fn Turn Him Out 

2S2 Prpttv Girls of StiUborg 
293 Angfiof the Al'.i': 

594 ('ircunist»n«9 AUerOaws 

595 Kwiy O'Sheal 
296 A Sopper in Dixie 



VOL. X. 

73 Ireland and Ameiica 

74 Pretty Piece of Business 

75 Irish'Broom-niaker 

76 To Pari-s and Back for 
Five Pounds 

77 That Blessed Baby 

78 Our Gal 

79 Swiss Cottage 

80 Young Widow 
VOL. XI. 

81 O'Flannigan and the Fa 

82 Irish Post [ ries 

83 My Neighbor's Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

85 P . P . , or Man and Tiger 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 State Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 
VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherry and Fair Star 

91 Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemimy 

93 Miller's Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 

95 Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 

98 LLV in New York 

99 Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 1 wo Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Uutsuished Gentloma: 

104 House Dog 
VOL. XIV. 

'105 '^'■•? O.mor .ovei 
Kt. Matrimony 
107 In and Out of Place 
I Dine with My Mother 

109 Hi-awa-tha 

110 Andy Blake 

111 Love in '76 [ties 

112 Romance under DiBcnl- 
VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for 2 Suitd 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter [nority 

116 No ; or, the Glorious Mi- 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Humble Life 
USFamily J.avs 

120 Personation 
VOL. XVI. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husbaal 

123 Day after the Fair 

124 Make Your WiUs 

125 Rendezvous 

126 My Wife s Husband 

127 Monsieur Toasou 

128 Illustrious Stranger 
VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief-Making [Mines 




130 A Live Woraan 

131 The Corsair 

132 Shylock 

133 Spoiled Child 
1.34 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 
1S6 Wanted a Widow 



the 



145 Colt 

146 Harl 

147 Ladi 

148 PheL,». 
>Frock 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors 

151 Dutchman's Ghost 

152 persecuted Dutchman 
VOL. XX. 

153 Mnsard Ball 

154 Great Tragic Bevivul 

155 High Low Jack & Game 
166 A Gentleman from Ire- 

157 Tom and Jerry [land 

158 Village Lawyer 

159 Captain's not A-'jiiss 

160 Amateurs and Actors 
VOL. XXI. 

161 Promotion [ual 

162 A Fascinating Individ- 

163 Mrs. Caudle 

164 Shakspeare's Dream 

165 Neptune's Defeat 

166 Lady of Bedchamber 

167 Take Care of Little 

168 Irish Widow [ Charley 
VOL. XXIL 

169 Yankee Peddlar 

170 Hiram Hireout 

171 Double-B^ded Room 

172 The DramVDefended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

174 Kbenezer Venture jter 

175 Principles froui Charae- 
170 liady of the La'ka ( Tr a\ > 

VOL. xxni 

.: . mM. _,0g£ 

178 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Bwains 

180 Bachelor's Bedroom 
131 A Roland for an Oliver 

182 More Blunders than One 

183 Dumb Belle 

184 Limerick Boy 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Nature and Philosophy 

186 Teddy the Tiler 

187 Soeetre Bridgroom 

188 Matteo Falcone 

189 Jen-uy Lird 

190 Two Buzzards 

191 Hitppy Man 

192 Betsy Baker 
VOL. XXV. 

193 No. 1 Round the Corr.ci 

194 Toddy Roe 

195 Objict of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 Bengal Tiger 
31(8 Laughing Hyena 

|199 The Victor Yauqulahed 
1200 Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 My Husband's Mirror 

202 Yankee Land. 
2J3 Norah Creina 

204 Good for Nothing 

205 The First Night 
'206 The Eton Boy 



Smock 220 Turned Heads 

m ^ Match in the Dark 
222 Advice to Husbands 

1223 Siamese Twins 

1224 S«nt to the Tower 
I VOL. XXIX 

1225 Somebody Else 
|226 Ladies' Battle 

227 Art of Acting 

228 The Lady of the Lions 

229 The Eights of Man 
30 My Husband's Ghost 

231 Two Can Play at that 
Game 

232 Fighting by Proxy 
VOL. XXX. 

233 Unprotected Female 

234 Pet of the Petticoats 

235 Forty and Fifty [book 

236 Who Stole the Pocket- 

237 My Son Diana | sion 

238 Unwarrantable Intra- 
23a#r. and Mrs. White 
240% Quiet Family 

VOL. XXXI, 

241 Cool as Cucumber 

242 Sudden Thoughts 

243 Jumbo Jnm 

244 A Blighted Being 
•245 Little Toddlekins 

246 A Lover by Proxy [Pail 

247 Maid with the Milking 

248 PerplexingPrcd'caniCra; 
»0L. XXXII. 

249 Dr. Dilworth 

250 Out to Nu.-se 

251 A Lucky Hit , 

252 The Dowager 

253 Motamora (Burlesque} 

254 Dreams of Delusion 

255 The Shaker Lovers 
21>6 Ticklish Times 

VOL. XXXIII. 

257 20 Minutes witha Tiger 

258 Miralda: or, the Justi'JO 
of Tason 

9 A Soldier's Courtshi;> 
•2<;0 Servants by Legacy 
261 Dying for Love 
2<:'S Alarming Sacrifice 

263 Valet de Sham 

264 Nicholas Nickleby 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 The La.^t of the Pigtalla 

266 King Rene's Daughter 

267 The Grotto Nymph 
•263 A Devi.ji'h Good Joke 
•269 A Twice 1 old 'J ale 

270 Pas de Fascination 

271 Revolutionary Soldier 

272 A Man Without a Heaf ^ 
VOL. XXXV. 

273 The (ilio, Parti 

274 The Olio, Par. 2 

275 The Olio, Part. Iter 
-'76 The Trumpeter's iJau^h- 
•277 Seeing M arren , 
•273 Green Mountain Boy I 

9 That Nose I 



207 Wandering Minstrel _ 

208 wanted. 1000 Milliner. |.^^ That ^,^^^^^.^ ^^^^ 

20t Poor Pllc^'oddy • ,,, VOL. XXXVI. 

210 The Mummy [ Glasses ^81 Shockiug tvents 

211 Don't Forgetyonr Opera 282 A Regular Fix 

212 Love in Livery 

213 Anthony and Cleopatra 

214 Trying It On. 

215 Stage Stnick Yankee 

216 Young Wife & Old Um- 
brella 



VOL. XVIIL 

137 Lottery Ticket 

138 Fortune's Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous t 

140 Marrier" liachelor 

141 Husuaud at Sight 
14'i irishman in London 

143 Animal itagnptism 

144 Highways and By-Ways 
US' Any Play sent by Mall or F.xpress, on receipt of 15 cents, in money or si 

All orders will receive prompt attention. 

• . • An Alphabetical Lfst of 3000 Plays sent by Mail on receipt of a PosUge S<»inp. 
SAMUBIi .H-P-ENCH, PubUslier. 122 Nassau St. (npst^p^ 



283 Dick Turrit 

284 Youug f^camp 

285 Youn? Actress 

286 Call at No. 1-7 

287 One Totich of Nature. 

288 Two B'hoys 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 387 491 6 



